Sunday, November 1, 2009
I'm Feeling Hopelessly Romantic
But I have no one to use my love on... oh me.
I have been listening to sap music again and thinking about all of the times that I could have been in love but didn't let it happen.
Instead I am held back by fear. And it's an ugly fear....
I'm scared and I don't know why.
Anyway, I'm going to try and post my fav songs on the New Moon Soundtrack, we'll see..... keep loving everyone.
I have been listening to sap music again and thinking about all of the times that I could have been in love but didn't let it happen.
Instead I am held back by fear. And it's an ugly fear....
I'm scared and I don't know why.
Anyway, I'm going to try and post my fav songs on the New Moon Soundtrack, we'll see..... keep loving everyone.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Write of Die.com
There is this website to help you express yourself on the fly. Called Write or Die:
I had 5 minutes to produce this garbage. Enjoy..
I don't know what will happen if I do not meet this deadline. I don't know? I can try to chance it and just leave this ruddy computer. And if I don't, maybe something great will come of it. I don't know. All I know is that I ramble. Aimlessly. I believe in love. and life. and the fact that everything I need in life is based on love. It is the meaning to all existence in my right. I don't know. So that is I guess why I am here. Because I love words. I love them so much, I love the absence of the right as well. because sometimes, words can not express how one feels. And that is why I can ramble. I go on and on about several subjects in one blog. But one sentence in the whole page is what it was worth. Sometimes even just that can explain how I feel, but it can take a whole page of writing to get that. I may meander from subject to subject in the blink of an eye. But the point is I am in the mood. I don't know. I really am out of things to write about, but I guess this is a good exercise. I really am not confident in my writing or expressive writing abilities rather. I just wonder sometimes what it would be like if I tried. And so on and on I go. Writing about writing. And what will come of it. A paragraph of shit I guess. But maybe, just maybe...I will produce that one sentence that is so worth it. That one sentence that expresses exaclty how I am feeling at the moment. And if not, then I just may have to steal someone elses sentence. As I often do to express myself. It makes me feel rather lame if you ask me. But most people are so lame that they wouldn't have any idea of what I am talking about anyway. Because again I ramble. I don't mean to it just happens. Wow, looking back on this I think I seem a bit egotistical. And lost for words. oh me. I think next time I will write about another person so you don't end up hating me. If you are a you. 321.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I cry for this
In our days, we will live
Like our ghosts will live
Pitching glass at the cornfield crows and folding clothes
Like stubborn boys across the road
We'll keep everything
Grandma's gun and the black bear claw that took her dog
And when sister Lowery says Amen, we won't hear anything
The ten-car train will take that word, that fledgling bird
And the fallen house across the way
It'll keep everything
The baby's breath, our bravery wasted and our shame
And we'll undress beside the ashes of the fire
Both our tender bellies wound in baling wire
All the more pair of under water pearls
Than the oak tree and its ressurection fern
In our days we will say what our ghosts will say
We gave the world what we saw fit and what'd we get
Like stubborn boys with big green eyes
We'll see everything
In the timid shade of the autumn leaves and the buzzards wings
And we'll undress by the ashes of the fire
Our tender bellies are wound around in baling wire
All the more pair of under water pearls
Than the oak tree and its resurrection fern
Resurrection Fern/Iron and Wine
Like our ghosts will live
Pitching glass at the cornfield crows and folding clothes
Like stubborn boys across the road
We'll keep everything
Grandma's gun and the black bear claw that took her dog
And when sister Lowery says Amen, we won't hear anything
The ten-car train will take that word, that fledgling bird
And the fallen house across the way
It'll keep everything
The baby's breath, our bravery wasted and our shame
And we'll undress beside the ashes of the fire
Both our tender bellies wound in baling wire
All the more pair of under water pearls
Than the oak tree and its ressurection fern
In our days we will say what our ghosts will say
We gave the world what we saw fit and what'd we get
Like stubborn boys with big green eyes
We'll see everything
In the timid shade of the autumn leaves and the buzzards wings
And we'll undress by the ashes of the fire
Our tender bellies are wound around in baling wire
All the more pair of under water pearls
Than the oak tree and its resurrection fern
Resurrection Fern/Iron and Wine
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
People, people..relax. I'm back!
Okay, so finals have pretty much been keeping me from posting. Sorry all. I'm pretty happy now that it's all over and I get to drive back to San An tomorrow! Luckily I stressed before this date and got everything done so I would not have to scramble to fit everything into one day. Every one around me is freaking to get their stuff done. Sillys. I'm just sitting here loving my empty apt and laptop. That's all I need. OKAY! Now for a story yo:
I told you how hard I worked on finals, but let me go into that more. Last thursday: 10 hours in the Golden Library. The first 5 were reviewing for my History 122 final. The second half was working on those ridiculous problem solving journals for math 361. My goodness they are HARD! Basically she gives us these journals at the beginning of the semester with 30 questions that take like an hour each to do. The scale is 1-4 and we can turn them in as many times as we need...so everyone came out with like some 3's and 2's you know...I GOT ALL 4's. I know this is like nerdy to tell you, but it was the proudest moment of my month! Seriously.
Sunday Night: I went to the library again to cram for my math final as well as the history ALL ESSAY FINAL (jeezz) So, again it was a more than 10 hour stint in the lib for me, this is not what I am used to. Okay, so my friend and I are upstairs in one of the quiet rooms for hours. We are all mathematician-like with our equations and graphs on the chalk board when all of a sudden....all is black. The lights went out. I'm thinking the electricity went out in the middle of our session, wtf>? No, they locked our nerdy butts in the library! We lost track of time, and they closed the library on us. OMG! The front doors don't allow you to leave when they are locked. All the lights were out. The old building was creepy as hell. ( I'm freakin, Michelle is laughing her ass off...) Anyway, we find a phone, call police and get out. It was a cute little story to tell our class the next day, actually that day, since we left at 2:00.
Monday: I could NOT sleep the night before. I was too worried about my Math and History final. I just laid in my bed and thought about all the information I had just crammed into my head. Anyway, Michelle wakes up and we quiz eachother through breakfast and on our way to the final. I smiled from 8-12 (the times of my Mth and HIS tests). I was so proud of knowing that information. I felt like a total badass! The words just flew from my pen in all of my essays. That's right. PEN! My professor makes us take the test in pen because he wants to know if we are confident with the information. I WAS< NO SCRATCHING OUT! Seriously: ME=badass student of the year!
Anyway, today is now Tuesday and here I am in my empty place with you. I am so beyond ready to get out of here, I feel like leaving now. I have to wait for JB though or he will get upset. I just love it when it is me and the open road. It is like a metaphor to life. Windows down. Music blastin.. cig in the mouth. It is when I feel most free. I can change my course at any moment. Turn around or move forward. Stop for a while...you know
See you soon Texas.
I told you how hard I worked on finals, but let me go into that more. Last thursday: 10 hours in the Golden Library. The first 5 were reviewing for my History 122 final. The second half was working on those ridiculous problem solving journals for math 361. My goodness they are HARD! Basically she gives us these journals at the beginning of the semester with 30 questions that take like an hour each to do. The scale is 1-4 and we can turn them in as many times as we need...so everyone came out with like some 3's and 2's you know...I GOT ALL 4's. I know this is like nerdy to tell you, but it was the proudest moment of my month! Seriously.
Sunday Night: I went to the library again to cram for my math final as well as the history ALL ESSAY FINAL (jeezz) So, again it was a more than 10 hour stint in the lib for me, this is not what I am used to. Okay, so my friend and I are upstairs in one of the quiet rooms for hours. We are all mathematician-like with our equations and graphs on the chalk board when all of a sudden....all is black. The lights went out. I'm thinking the electricity went out in the middle of our session, wtf>? No, they locked our nerdy butts in the library! We lost track of time, and they closed the library on us. OMG! The front doors don't allow you to leave when they are locked. All the lights were out. The old building was creepy as hell. ( I'm freakin, Michelle is laughing her ass off...) Anyway, we find a phone, call police and get out. It was a cute little story to tell our class the next day, actually that day, since we left at 2:00.
Monday: I could NOT sleep the night before. I was too worried about my Math and History final. I just laid in my bed and thought about all the information I had just crammed into my head. Anyway, Michelle wakes up and we quiz eachother through breakfast and on our way to the final. I smiled from 8-12 (the times of my Mth and HIS tests). I was so proud of knowing that information. I felt like a total badass! The words just flew from my pen in all of my essays. That's right. PEN! My professor makes us take the test in pen because he wants to know if we are confident with the information. I WAS< NO SCRATCHING OUT! Seriously: ME=badass student of the year!
Anyway, today is now Tuesday and here I am in my empty place with you. I am so beyond ready to get out of here, I feel like leaving now. I have to wait for JB though or he will get upset. I just love it when it is me and the open road. It is like a metaphor to life. Windows down. Music blastin.. cig in the mouth. It is when I feel most free. I can change my course at any moment. Turn around or move forward. Stop for a while...you know
See you soon Texas.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Oh, how peaceful it would be.....
Oh my flippin goodness. I am so annoyed. Why do people have to make things harder than they actually are? Really? Get over yourselves. The world does revolve around all of us. TOGETHER.
I am generally a good person. I like living, I like my friends. I usually NEVER argue with people. So what is the problem? I really do not know. I am starting to think that I made a HUGE mistake a year ago.
I realize I am not making sense, i think the fever has spread over to me...hmmm
Why be wishy-washy? Just say what you fucking mean and get on with it..to the point now!
Who knew an interpersonal relationship would be this hard. I am so over it, its ridiculous. I think I can not go on with this any longer. I tried to fix what I needed to (talking about something instead of holding it in) and it still backfired. I can not make this thing work for the life of me.
You can not talk to me about the issues we have over the phone, but you can go and blog over the www and comment on it on your status. Well two can play at that game:
-Can anyone say paranoia. You have to love yourself before you realize the love you have from people around you. No, people do not go around praising others 24/7. That is not how the world works. Don't be blind and appreciate the praise you do get.
-Really, I am so upset I am shaking and I can not even find the words to express how frustrating this is. What I really think though is: I can't fucking deal with it anymore. It is making me a hateful person and I just can't.
Oh God, Texas people...I miss the lone star out of you! Really. cut off./
I am generally a good person. I like living, I like my friends. I usually NEVER argue with people. So what is the problem? I really do not know. I am starting to think that I made a HUGE mistake a year ago.
I realize I am not making sense, i think the fever has spread over to me...hmmm
Why be wishy-washy? Just say what you fucking mean and get on with it..to the point now!
Who knew an interpersonal relationship would be this hard. I am so over it, its ridiculous. I think I can not go on with this any longer. I tried to fix what I needed to (talking about something instead of holding it in) and it still backfired. I can not make this thing work for the life of me.
You can not talk to me about the issues we have over the phone, but you can go and blog over the www and comment on it on your status. Well two can play at that game:
-Can anyone say paranoia. You have to love yourself before you realize the love you have from people around you. No, people do not go around praising others 24/7. That is not how the world works. Don't be blind and appreciate the praise you do get.
-Really, I am so upset I am shaking and I can not even find the words to express how frustrating this is. What I really think though is: I can't fucking deal with it anymore. It is making me a hateful person and I just can't.
Oh God, Texas people...I miss the lone star out of you! Really. cut off./
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